Not Too Much
by nursehelena
Summary: "I knows I'm kind of a mess, but you makes me feels better about myself. I'm not so weirds, because of you."


The motel room Charles set Toki and Skwisgaar up in was much better than anything else they claimed during this leg of the tour, but it still had much to be desired. However much wealth they accumulated as a band though, it needed to be sparsely spent out on the road; saving up for a new home—at least a better apartment in a nicer part of Tampa—necessitated every single penny possible to be put away. It didn't matter, really. Skwisgaar had grown used to squalor from a lifetime spent in it, and with the future looking so bright, he could stand this for a little while longer.

"Hey, Toki," Skwksgaar addressed him as he launched himself onto the queen-sized bed closest to the bathroom. "When ams de last time you ates?"

"Five o'clocks."

"You wouldn'ts be lying to me, would you?"

Even two and a half years after he joined the band, Toki stubbornly held onto the bad habits he'd acquired from life in Norway. Compulsive lying was the largest and most constant issue, since no matter what Skwisgaar did to contain bad or strange behaviour, it was worth nothing if he attempted to take Toki at face value. He'd found moderate success, at least, in asking if a lie had just been spoken. Telling the truth had been drilled into Toki by all of his bandmates and their manager at one point or another, and being forced to reconsider what he said usually backtracked the impulsive nature of Toki's mind.

"Oh. . .I ate. . ." Toki squinted as he wrestled with the new language he'd been working on. "A henkboiger, afters the show."

"Anything else?"

"Jest the henkboiger."

"Chips?"

"Oh! Ja."

So then Toki didn't need to eat again. The other guys headed out for a waffle house, but Skwisgaar passed up the opportunity on the assumption that someone would bring something back for him. Someone needed to keep an eye on Toki, lest he overeat and make himself sick.

Skwisgaar was completely responsible for Toki, not just in his general care, but in containing him against the other guys. He once attempted to loosen his reins, only for something prized of Nathan's to disappear and for Nathan to stomp around accusing everyone that they took it, without elaborating as to what exactly it was. Skwisgaar found Toki with it later, although at the time he didn't put two and two together. The fact that Toki so casually jacked off in the living room called for Skwisgaar's immediate attention.

"Toki!" he snapped. Toki glanced up, but didn't relinquish himself. "What ams you doings? Dat ams a private t'ing!"

"What is?"

"How you ams touching yourself." Skwisgaar indicated the offending boner and still-squeezing hand. "You don'ts do dat where other people can see."

"_You_ does."

"I promise you dat I don'ts."

"When you haves a lady, you does it."

"Dere ams a world of difference between sex and jackings off. When you ams by yourself, you ams _by yourself_. Goes into de bathroom and finish, ifs you need to. And what ams dat you ams looking at? Where dids you get dat?"

"Is full of pretty ladies. . ."

No seriously, where did Toki _get_ this? It wasn't just full of pretty ladies, as innocently as Toki put that, but women squeezed in leather, elevated with stilettos, and determined to dish as much damage as possible to their male counterparts. Had Skwisgaar never seen this degree of sadomasochism before, he'd clamp his legs shut and burn the magazine in the sink in attempt to remove the images from his mind. Instead, he had an awkward exchange with Nathan when discovered with it wherein Nathan pretended the magazine didn't belong to him, before Skwisgaar found Toki attempting to nap in the room they shared.

"We needs to talk about dat magazine you were lookings at."

"I thinks I understand, Skwisgaar. Don'ts touch myself out there, only in heres or the bathrooms?"

Toki wasn't stupid, contrary to what everyone else believed. He just hadn't been given the chance to truly grasp a healthy medium between new culture and society in general. Skwisgaar parsed Toki's strangest behaviours based on what he would've grown up to consider normal. Toki lied, because that was how he would escape corporal punishment, and because being his true self had gotten him banished from his village. He just didn't want to experience that again, especially now that he'd ceased idolizing his parents. Toki jacked off wherever he needed to, because he'd witnessed and overheard far too much regarding Skwisgaar, Nathan, and Pickles' respective sex lives. Cramped quarters normalized that and now, judging by earlier's unguarded words, Skwisgaar realized that Toki had either seen or watched him much closer than a glance would provide. Skwisgaar had no memory of Toki walking in on him, apologizing, and then tailing back out.

"Dat ams correct," Skwisgaar confirmed. "You don'ts let anyone sees you do dat, because maybe dey don'ts want to. It ams rude."

"I'm nots in trouble, am I?"

"No." That simple word restored light to Toki's large, imploring eyes. "Dis ams a learning process. Speakings of which, we needs to talk about dat magazine. I already knows you gots it from Nat'an, and I gaves it back. Dat amn'ts de issue, either. I wants to make shore you understands what you were lookings at. It cans be confusing, to someone young dat haven'ts been exposed to dat type of t'ing."

"The ladies was hurtings the mens."

"Just to be clares, it ams okay if dat sort of t'ing make you excited. I just don't want you to be confused, dat maybe de men were dere against deir will, or dat de womens were actually hurting dem." Skwisgaar sat down on the edge of his futon, facing Toki's cot. "Dat amn't what sex ams about. It takes practice and time befores people do dat sort of t'ing to get off. I don'ts want to calls it abnormal, since it amn'ts, but it amn'ts typical. Does you understand de difference?"

"I think so."

Skwisgaar studied the teenager before him. "Haves you had sex, Toki?"

"Ja."

"Ams you telling de truth?"

Toki's gaze shied away, and he tucked some hair behind his ear.

"I don'ts want you to go into it t'inking dat you ams expected to have your dick stepped on, or anyt'ing like dat. When it happens for you, just do what feel good, ja? Don'ts let anyone tell you what to do, if dey am telling you to do somet'ing you don'ts want to."

Toki considered what he said, then smiled. "But it's okay to looks at those kinds of things?"

"So longs as you don't feel gross or confused. If you ams confused, you can always ask me."

Toki's naivety already made him a prime target for pushy fans, and Skwisgaar wouldn't have the kid in his care be taken advantage of. He'd found himself in prime position to do that, given all the trust and sway he held over Toki; therefore, it became that much more important that he tread carefully. He couldn't deny—nor would he admit—that he quietly listened to the minute noises and rustling that sounded across the bedroom every night as Toki released the day's pent-up stresses. Backstage at a show, he'd come across Toki frantically humping into a groupie with his brow coated in sweat and sticky with hair. Skwisgaar convinced himself, as well as the others, that he looked on so long only because he needed to make sure that the kid had remembered a condom.

Toki was basically a sack of hormones at this point in his life, which necessitated plenty of showers for the stinky nature he rapidly descended into. Florida's humid heat didn't help either, although a cool day in winter plus a broken water heater did him a complete disservice when body odour got out of hand again. Sympathy struck Skwisgaar as Toki quivered with chattering teeth when the lights went out.

He sighed. "Toki, comes here."

Cohabiting in such a matter wasn't new to them, after budget restraints had been applied to motel accommodations. Toki slipped under the blanket with no more prompt, and curled up to Skwisgaar's back. "It's okays, right now?"

Toki referred to when Skwisgaar had to set him straight, upon returning home from further up-state; since they'd shared a bed for three nights, Toki assumed that was still allowed come bedtime.

"Just untils you warm up." Skwisgaar jolted away when cold hands touched his back, then rolled over to face Toki. Taking stubby little fingers and thick-set palms into his grasp did little to help. "Okay. . .holds on."

Shadows on Toki's face weren't readable, when his hands found warm purchase between Skwisgaar's thighs. As Skwisgaar's eyes adjusted, he read an expression of mingled curiosity and determination. He already predicted an attempt to gravitate deeper within Skwisgaar's legs, inspiring tension.

"Sorry," Toki whispered.

"You can'ts always t'ink dat everyt'ing am sexual."

"Is hard, sometimes. Wouldn'ts it feel good, though? Don'ts you want it?"

"Not like dis."

"Why nots?"

"Because for one, you am seventeens." If Toki was a _mature_ seventeen year old, Skwisgaar might have hesitated before bringing his advance to a grinding halt. "And two, I ams de one dat takes care of you, mostly. I don'ts want you to t'ink dat people whose care you ams in will takes advankage."

"I don'ts think you are. Can't I just touch you?"

"No."

"Cans we kiss a littles bit?"

"Definitely nots."

Toki pouted in the darkness, leaving Skwisgaar to wonder where exactly he'd offered the impression that this occurred between them. Then again, he laid here with the kid's cold hands between his thighs. He let Toki sleep with him if he was cold, scared, or upset. He knew as much about Toki as Toki would indulge, and guiding him through day-to-day life with positive reinforcement and patience whenever Toki's largest issues surfaced easily inspired a crush, it seemed.

"You don't say anythings about yourself," Toki observed. "Just abouts what I would thinks and about my number. Do you wants me?"

"Dat. . .amn'ts easy to answer."

"Sure it is, ja or noes."

"Why woulds you want to change de way we ams, anyway? You know I amn'ts big on relatesingips, or evens being touched if it amn'ts about gettings me off."

"You's letting me touch you rights now."

"I don'ts consider dis touching."

"But it isn'ts all about sex, right? I reads in those magazines about people doing this kind of thing without doing that."

"What magazines? Ams you sneakings into Nat'an's room again?"

"No." Toki changed his tune when regarded with disbelief. "Wells, ja, but I puts them back before he notices thems gone. That isn'ts the point, though. You knows about Doms and subs, right?"

"Shore." Skwisgaar tried not to dismiss Toki's question based on age, because he'd already known about that sort of relationship too by eighteen. He'd never considered approaching someone about it, though. Did that indicate maturity or naivety on Toki's part?

"I don't see how it's different from whats we already do. You tells me to do things, you keeps an eye on me, and you corrects me when I do somethings bad."

"It am similar, but it amn't de same t'ing. Ats de very least, in order for dat kind of t'ing to happen, we haves to be in agreement abouts it."

"Is why I ask you about it."

Skwisgaar propped up on an elbow. "What make you t'ink you want somet'ing like dat?"

"I haves a lot of respect for you, and I wants to make you happy. It doesn'ts matter to me whether or nots we touch, although I wish I hads a way to makes you feel as good as I do, when you're arounds like that."

Skwisgaar smiled. "You likes it, when I tells you what to do?"

"Mhm. I knows I'm kind of a mess, but you makes me feels better about myself. I'm not so weirds, because of you."

"Well. . .I ams glad for dat."

"Then please, if there's any parts of you that woulds like this, can'ts you just say ja? I'll drops it right now if you say no, or if I'ms too much to have."

"You aren'ts too much, Toki." Sex was the only thing that concerned Skwisgaar, since some Doms _did_ sleep with their subs, but if that was bound to happen down the line, it would be _his_ decision. He could teach Toki not to beg for sexual contact or simply reach for it, just like he'd taught him not to jack-off in a public area of the apartment. When he saw it like Toki did, that he merely took care of Toki and guided him through lingering trauma and his teenage years toward civility, then it really wasn't as big of a deal as he made it out to be. "We ams going to keep our sex lives separate, for nows."

Toki pulled his hands out from between Skwisgaar's thighs so that he could briefly hug him. "Thanks you! I promise I'll be goods."

That all led to where they currently were; a lot could happen in a year, as Skwisgaar discovered. Toki had sprouted up a few more inches to complement what Skwisgaar figured was his own final growth spurt, they'd celebrated Toki's admittance into lawful adulthood, and Dethklok was _really_ taking off. Skwisgaar basked in knowledge of that after his shower, laid across his bed dressed in pyjama pants, while Toki took his turn at washing up post-concert. They needed to sleep soon, in order to make the drive from Dallas to Albuquerque tomorrow.

"What's you watching?" Toki asked when he emerged.

"No idea. Some crummy movie." It would help them wind down, anyway. "Brings to me your brush. Dids you condition your hair?"

"Ja."

Skwisgaar running his fingers through the glossy strands confirmed that Toki told the truth. "Goods. Lay downs, if you like."

Toki found placing his head in Skwisgaar's lap a favourite position, on top of any attention at all paid to his scalp. His face had grown more angular over time and his hair longer, but the contented sighs were still the same.

"Thanks you for not lying to me."

"I'm tryings really hard to stops doing that. Sometimes I screws it up, like earlier."

"Ams okay, so longs as you realgize. Ams progress."

Over time, that amounted to an impressive amount. Skwisgaar did Toki the service of pretending to be asleep when he jacked off before bed, since he was also too lazy sometimes to head over to the bathroom. However, a piece of white material poking out from under Toki's blanket one afternoon as Skwisgaar tidied up his area required acknowledgement.

"Oh. . ." Toki grew bashful following his usual attempt to lie. "I likes the smell. Helps me sleeps."

"Next time you wants one of my shirts, asks, ja?"

"I didn'ts want you to know."

"How comes?"

"Because I likes to pretend you's there with me."

It wasn't an answer to objectively be embarrassed about, but it explained the tiny, crusty spots Skwisgaar had found. He was slightly disappointed that in reteaching Toki shame, it limited the blatant truths that might eventually be wormed out of him. Time also created a growing rift between them, as Toki's sexuality went hidden behind doors and decency. Tonight, in their Dallas motel room, Skwisgaar looked to fix that. He'd considered every angle, every possibility of how best to bring Toki back to him. Toki's nose gently increasing pressure against his thigh seemed a good start.

"You ams going to sleeps in my bed tonight," Skwisgaar announced.

"Okays. Cool."

In the dark and under the blankets once bleary eyes got the best of them, Skwisgaar tapped Toki's back. "Comes here."

Not often was Skwisgaar in the mood to touch another person in a way that might be misconstrued as romantic. It occurred generally prior to orgasm, extinguishing along with the sensation of weighted blood between his legs. With his nose situated in the crook of Toki's neck, his wandering fingertips gently moved in downward direction over his increasingly-muscular core. Skwisgaar wasn't in the least bit shocked to find an erection as he cupped Toki through his boxers, for squirminess had already alerted him toward it.

"What does you wants me to do?" Toki eagerly asked.

"Haves you ever sucked a dick?"

"No, but I'll gives it a shot, anyway."

Skwisgaar caught his hand, before it could reach where he pressed against Toki. "Haves you ever hads your ass eatens before?"

"Ums. . .I don'ts think so?"

"You woulds know if you had."

Toki's uncertainty attracted Skwisgaar even more. He'd grown up so well the past few years, becoming a physical force to be reckoned with in his own right. However, whatever size he boasted and however his muscles bulged, he became small and safe again in Skwisgaar's grasp. He seemed to feed off that sensation, judging by trembling hands as Skwisgaar instructed him to remove his boxers, and then to undress _him_.

Skwisgaar stopped him again as he made to reach. "Holds on."

He didn't seem sure at all, as Skwisgaar sat back against the bed's headrest and instructed Toki to situate on all fours facing opposite. Guiding him closer by his hips, Skwisgaar didn't give Toki anymore notice than spreading his cheeks in order to admit his face. A shock wave passed through Toki, emerging from the other end as a moan. "Ff—oh. . ."

"Goes ahead and sucks my dick whenever you ams ready," Skwisgaar prompted him. A warm mouth finding him reciprocated surging, burning need, and Skwisgaar made that obvious his own way. His tongue pressed into puckered muscle, fingernails dug into fleshy backside, and his hips bucked whenever he could be sure it wouldn't gag Toki. A moan carrying Toki's name birthed a pool of precum on Skwisgaar's chest.

"I dids okay?" Toki asked when they laid spent and facing one another, afterward.

"You dids great. Has been a goods day all around, for you."

"That means a lots. Do I still get to sleeps with you?"

For now, Skwisgaar kept his arm looped around Toki's middle. Nothing like post-orgasmic bliss made him feel more protective. "Makes yourself comfy."


End file.
